Walking without a map

“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”

— Seneca

Building Mission 52 has been a strange experience. I’ve never done anything like this before. It’s overwhelming at times. But I’m chipping away—trying to set good foundations without getting ahead of myself.

I keep telling myself: if I focus on the next step, eventually I’ll have built something I can look back on. Hopefully with pride.

But what if I don’t like it?

What if it’s a mess, or confusing to others? What if it drips with the kind of self-esteem that makes people cringe—like I’m trying to be wise when I’m just working things out in real-time?

I know this kind of doubt is part of the process: build, question, refine, build. But sometimes the questioning gets loud.

I want to create something I’m proud of. Something that helps others. But when I feel that craving—when I imagine someone telling me it meant something to them—I flinch. Is that just my ego getting involved? Is that the part of me that wants approval sneaking through in disguise?

These things are deceptive. They shape-shift. You think you’re aligned, but by the time you realise you’re off course, it’s too late. You hate what you’ve made. You walk away.

I hope I don’t let that happen.

I really do.