Love bombs & slow burns

Excluding a couple of short relationships, I’ve been single for nearly five years. After leaving my ex-wife, it took me two of those just to consider dating again. I wasn’t ready. I needed to figure myself out before I could let anyone else in.

Since dipping into the unsettling world of dating apps, I’ve had a few short flings, some genuinely lovely dates, and a handful of awkward ones. But here I am, still single.

Last night, I went on a second date with a lovely woman—bright, well-travelled, interesting, and pretty. There was a lot to like. But I woke this morning with a familiar knot in my belly. A kind of quiet deflation.

Something was missing.

That spark.

It’s hard to define. You feel it before you can explain it. But most of us have known it at least once in our lives—that magnetic pull, the sense that someone has seen deep within you.

And when it’s not there, I find myself wondering:

Should I keep seeing her anyway?

Am I expecting too much, too soon?

Can chemistry grow slowly—or does it need to be there from the start?

Because I’ve learned that the opposite—the love bomb that goes off the moment you meet someone—is no guarantee for longevity. Beautiful, yes. But it can burn out just as quickly as it ignited.

That happened to me recently.

An instant connection. Wild chemistry. We moved through the gears too fast, and I pushed the relationship into a shape it couldn’t hold. She pulled away. And in hindsight, I get it. If we’d just slowed down, maybe it would have had the space to become something lasting.

That’s a painful lesson. But one I’m trying to learn from.

So now, I’m doing things differently.

I’m not rushing in.

I’m not trying to fix my life through love.

Truth is, I’m happy. I’ve built something here that feels strong—and I’m protective of it. I don’t want to disturb it for the wrong reasons.

Maybe that’s the heart of it. Learning to love others without losing myself. To stay open, curious, and kind—without overriding the quiet signals in my own body. That’s the work, I think. And it’s slower than I thought.